BLOG #3 PERIODS!

PERIODS!

What a time to be alive! When you're sweet little angel finds herself navigating her way through puberty. It's a wonderous time for some; for others, it's one hell of a ride!

Preteens are where we look here, and my girls ranged between 10 and 13 years old when they had their first period. There was plenty of shit going on way before that even began. It was like a massive build-up of hormones waiting to explode. Don't get me wrong; there is still plenty of shit that continues to happen through their teenage years.

SUSPICIOUS

The hair in 'suspicious' areas begins to grow, and OMG. It's growing in places that some of them didn't even know it could! I remember one of my girls coming out to me after a shower (while I'm cooking dinner) and whipping down her knickers and said 'Mum, there's a hair on my vagina! What do I do with it?' I closed my eyes and got my thoughts in order before turning around. (I had laughed inside my head.) So many ideas of what I am supposed to be telling this child were all intertwined in my mind. I mostly thought, 'Here we go again!' We ended up having a good chat about what was happening and more things that she could expect to see, starting to change. We talked about how hair under her arms would begin to grow; there were growing pains too; all of my girls had them. Different parts of their bodies would ache and sore as they moved and developed. We spoke about hormones and how and what effect they can have on us. Our bodies will evolve, and change is a good thing because that's all a part of growing up.

RESPECT!

We are respecting our bodies and loving ourselves. Self Love and self-worth are very hard to teach teenagers in a world filled with photo-shopped, unrealistic standards. On top of that, to feel criticised with social media and the feeling of 'Are you enough?' (Fuck yeah, you are!)

We never made a big deal out of it. We just talked, I let the girls ask as many questions as they could fire at me, and I answered with complete honesty. There is nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to your body.

On the other hand, the mood swings were a whole different situation. I had to do a lot of deep breathing exercises through this stage (and I still do).

From about 18 months before their first period is due, you can welcome home a bundle of hormones and your baby girl, who is slowly and quickly changing into a young lady. She is confused and probably doesn't have much control over her emotions, but that's where you come in to settle the beast. It is a very testy time for most girls. I know that I'm always thinking that I'm going to do them some fucking damage soon if they don't quit, their shitty attitudes! Some days they are just fucking unbearable. I needed to remind myself that they have a lot inside their brains and bodies. They require me to be their emotional punching bag, but there is a limit. There is such a thing as respect, and we all deserve it (even if puberty is kicking your arse!).

One moment they are laughing and having a great time, and then BAM, those sweet little preteens just turned into mouthy little muther fuckers. It's all fun and games until your daughter brings out the inner gangster in you, and that mouth that they have on them can go right back to where it came from!

We've had some brutal shit fights and arguments because ' I never let them do anything or ' I'm stupid, and they hate me' (generally because of ruining their lives). I couldn't count how many times I have destroyed their lives, and they have told me that they hate me and that I'm embarrassing. My response is that 'I love you, I'm here as your mum, not your best friend.' ( I have also told them that I'm just warming up, so give me a few secs, and I'll embarrass you some more.) That didn't go down so well, in other words; Don't piss me off!

I still firmly believe that if I don't hear these phrases come out of their mouths, then I haven't been parenting them at all. I will do whatever I have to to ensure that they are as safe as possible while navigating their way through their teenage years. (We've all done dumb shit, but we can protect them to a certain degree.)

Slamming doors pisses me off. Don't be slamming doors and giving me a mouthful if you're not prepared for the consequences.

I've always said to the girls, 'Do the crime, Do the time!'

Miss R has had her door removed a couple of times for doing this shit. I told her that she could have it back when she found the respect probably hiding in her room somewhere. She would most likely find it if she cleaned up her room. (That took a while.)

UTTER REFUSAL

The refusal to do anything is so common that it's like a broken record. The girls will assert their authority and tell me what they think is right and wrong. It's almost hilarious, 'Fuckers, I am the biggest bitch in this house; I've been doing it for years. Don't be bringing all that sass and crap in here because I will squash you like a bug!' Sometimes, easier said than done. But dammit, I run this household! Miss S is a prime example of not understanding the word 'NO'. If she hears this word, it becomes a challenge. Can she break us? Some of her strengths are determination and persistence, and she will wear you down to the point that she will glare at you or storm off. You can feel the bitch vibe emanating off her, and it is not one to be fucked around with. Female teenagers are a species all of their own.

ORGANISATION

Anyway, back to the periods.

When the period finally comes, I've always ensured that the girls know what a period is. We discuss what it means to have your period and how it is a part of coming into your feminine, young lady stage. It's about getting to know yourself and what your body will do and can do. Sometimes I think the funniest part is after their first period when they're like, 'well, I've done it now, I never have to worry about it again.' I think they've forgotten the part where I said it would happen every month for a very long time. The look on the girls faces when I tell them that it's not just the first time or the second, but in the first year or so, periods can be so irregular, and they can appear at the most annoying times. They will also last for different periods too.

I've always made sure that within all of the months prior, we have talked and discussed what is about to happen so that when it does, it's no big deal. I'll show them how to put a pad on, and we'll go and shop for knickers. We also buy cotton boy leg shorts for bedtime to stop the movement as they sleep (which prevents leakage and the washing of sheets). We set up a small purse together with some pads and knickers and a small snap-lock bag that they can take to school that looks like a pencil case. We organise the best times for them to change them at school and we go through anything else that they want to know.

CRAZY BITCHES

So living with four females in the house has many moments of intense eyeballing. The week before someone gets their period is 'mole patrol week'. We call it this because you can be the biggest and nastiest bitch this week and drive everyone else in the house nuts! The week of your period is 'shark week, the apocalypse, an invasion, my uterus is trying to kill me, aunt flow, or the best one, ”I've got my fucking period, OK!”

No, we do not all sync in together; that would be a fucking war zone in the house the week before... Fuck that!

Having four females in the house with their period can become quite expensive, so I only buy stuff when it's on special. I buy them whenever so there's always plenty in the house. It's almost like I should have shares in the sanitary business; if not, it should be in toilet paper, chocolate, snacks, and bin liners. (Also, the alcohol that I need to consume to keep me sane!) It's an expensive lifestyle!!

EXPENSIVE LIFESTYLE

Oh, I almost forgot about the acne and the greasy hair. Do you wax, shave, laser, how old do you need to be, how do girls make their hair look like that, how do I use makeup, am I tanned enough? OMG, have you seen my eyebrows? Am I wearing the right clothes, do I have the right stationery, are my lashes long enough? I have an actual situation going on. Fuck eyeliner - it's impossible to get it right, piercings, tattoos, and the list goes on. I have heard it all, especially having a dancer in the house. It is fucking relentless and how you choose to take on these battles with your teenagers are entirely up to you. We Chose to have age limits with most things as it made it so much easier.

All my girls started waxing; one continues, while the other two prefer to shave. We've done it all, seriously, you name it, we have done it. It's expensive and not a necessity at all. What you choose to do in your house is entirely up to you, but do your research.

SELF WORTH

Puberty comes with plenty of self-doubts and plenty of it. I find that when they have their period, this feeling becomes escalated. They feel gross, frumpy, and generally shit. Usually burst into tears about anything anyone says and will eat the entire fridge and pantry and feel shit again. So I try to change this habit of thinking. OK, so you're going to get your period - Great! Change your mind, change your practices, turn your shitty ideas into ones you like. Even if you don't feel like it, I'm in this with you, so lean on me. I'm a big believer in teaching the girls that they are spectacular inside and out.

Diamonds are precious rocks found in coal. Pearls are gorgeous jewels found inside a shell that nobody would think to find. Each one is special and unique. Each one has a beauty all of its own. You can show your beauty however you need to. But remember that you are number ONE and need to put yourself first.

SUPPORT THE CRAZY

I think that being a teenager today would be fucking hard. It's nothing like what it was when I was one. Teenagers these days do have way more shit going on than we ever did. We didn't have half the crap around they have to deal with, and I'm sorry to say that we have provided them with it as their parents.

We, as parents, then need to nurture and support these puberty stricken teenagers. It is a difficult time in their lives as not only is their body changing inside and out, but their brains are too. Their emotions are all over the place. At the same time, we expect them to be coherent and upstanding young people in the community. They probably want to give me the 'finger' and tell me to 'fuck off' because they are tired and want to sleep or hang out with their mates. Either way, I'll support these teenage girls and get them heat packs and rub their backs when they need me to. Yes, they're going to be moody and bitchy, but I'm pretty sure I had a speck of that in me once also. After all, it can't be easy living and growing up in today's society. I'm here for my girls and everything they can throw at me. I will be their pillar of strength in this ever-evolving world of teenagers.

Cheers Odette Cygnet xxx