BLOG #5 ME, MYSELF AND I, PLUS MY TEENAGERS!

ME, MYSELF AND I, PLUS MY TEENAGERS!

Five humans reside in my household. That may seem a lot to some people, and to others, that's not many at all. Blended families have a wide variety of requirements that contrast their everyday lives, and single-parent families have a whole new ball game of demands on their hands! What I'm saying is that we all face challenges in everyday life. No two families are the same, and we are all just doing what we can to the best of our abilities. We try not to lose our shit at our teenagers, but they are seasoned warriors, and they have been practising pushing our buttons for years.

My precious teenage shits have managed to make me lose my mind more times than I can count. I want you to know that we are all trying to raise teenagers with half a functioning brain in their heads. Some days I wonder if any parts of their brain are working, but then it's like a kick up the bum, and there it is! You can see it kick in, the light bulb turns on, or the penny drops. Either way, they move or speak and make some sense.

Having a conversation with a teenager can become so fucking frustrating at times because their eyes glaze over, and they hear nothing of what you are saying. It's so bloody annoying!!! If we get nothing, it's usually the time I need to get up, go to the fridge and get a glass of wine. Two drinks in, and my attention to detail and reaction to give a shit is generally relaxed. Sometimes you've just got to walk away and tackle the subject another day. There's no point getting all fired up. It only leads to everyone getting upset and storming off (well, I do anyway.)

WHAT I THINK

I am keeping it real. Okay, my peeps, I needed honest feedback and not some bullshit. I wanted to know five qualities I have and the three qualities that I need to work through.

That's what I sent out to my friends on Facebook. I asked them what they thought of me. I received an array of answers, everyone likes to hear good qualities, but I wanted to listen to constructive criticism. I can't evolve if I don't know what to change or challenge within myself. Even as a parent, I have many qualities that need improvement because I am far from perfect. (My kids will agree to that).

Here is my journey; all the comments were valid. I need to receive them with open eyes. Don't get me wrong, haters are always going to hate, and judgy people will still be sitting there waiting for you to write something that they can pounce on to justify themselves and make themselves feel better. Bloody keyboard warriors and little creepers are out there everywhere.

I learned a lot about myself from the experiment. It (for me) was rewarding to hear what my friends had to say; I can be challenging, but I'm organised. I can be too careless sometimes, but I have a lot of compassion. These are only a sample of the answers that I received. I took them all on board. I do have to remember, though, who I AM, and that at the end of the day, I am someone who I am proud to be.

GEEZ, THEY MAKE ME WONDER

Like I said, even we get the 'stupidity' questions and remarks. When the words fall out of their mouths, I sometimes wonder if I did drop them when they were little (I know I didn't), but it still makes me wonder. How is it that teenagers conjure up so much random shit inside their heads? I like to think that I'm not that old, but these mofo's make me feel that I'm slipping faster out of the loop than what I'm prepared to get past.

Funny though, teenagers can make you laugh like no other. Some of the conversations that pop into their brains and out of their mouths are hilarious. It doubles me in laughter because they have a quirky sense of humour. Miss S cracks herself up, laughing at almost anything and everything. She can find happiness in minor situations, making for a lighthearted individual who is easy to love. Miss C has an infectious laugh, she is more on the shy side, but her laughter brings a smile to everyone's face that she meets. She lights up the room and can fill it with a positive vibe. Miss R has her amusing wisecracks; she finds the pure laughter in life. There is no need to make a huge deal as she is happy and laughs with her friends and can see the happiness each day. A gentle soul and easy to talk to, but absorbs more than talks.

As a parent of teenagers, I do not need to justify myself to anyone. If I feel that I owe an apology to you, then you will get one; otherwise, you might be waiting a while. In my eyes, 'walk away, mofo', because I haven't got time for your bullshit and drama because I'm living in a house with three teenage daughters and all of their bullshit keeps me more than well occupied, happy, frustrated and satisfied.

When I had Miss R. I was 19, I was a young mum, going on 20. I received more than enough criticism and remarks from people about being a “young mum” and I felt with them accordingly; I am a great mum. Miss C arrived two years later, and I was so happy with our little family; it was perfect, We had a three-bedroom home that we loved and enough room for all of us to live quiet and cosy.

BAM!

Along came Miss S. Miss C was only five months old, and I was not ready at all. But this was my story, and here we were, we needed a bigger house. We bought out in a rural area and had a beautiful tiny home happy enough for our family.

MENTAL HEALTH IS SOME SERIOUS SHIT!

I suffered from Post Natal Depression, which was some ugly shit to deal with. I went to rock bottom with mine, sought professional help, and had a supportive family, which was nice as not everybody has that.

Mental health is no joke and should never be acted upon lightly. If you feel that you aren't coping or that something isn't right, please see your GP, counsellor or professional. You must be healthy, and so are your teenage humans.

There are a million stories, I'm sure that I could write a book on how in their younger years I lost my mind, and these beautiful little bundles of joy prepared me for parts of their teenage years.

There's also the part of depression and anxiety that comes with teenagers. Whether it be yourself, your partner or your teenager, I cannot stress enough how important it is to be as brave as you can and 'SPEAK UP.' There is some fantastic help out there, and talking to a friend and then to a professional is essential. Even called the lifelines, the people on the other end are so understanding.

The 'FUN' part about having adolescent daughters who happen to share or have acquired some of the qualities and similarities of their parents is that it can be a fantastic experience to discipline. They are strong-willed, loyal, compassionate, caring, blunt, persistent and stubborn. The only issue you face with these remarkable qualities is to parent them. (Insert another facepalm!)

How the fuck are you supposed to parent yourself when you know that every counter-argument they have is what you would have said, and you know that this is not going to end with one party being pleased with the outcome. You can't exactly go around squashing their personalities. After all, you've been creating these humans for years. Tactics, that's what you have, and you need to put the fucking parent hat on and not the friend one. Fuck my life; this is generally how the fight starts.

AND THAT'S HOW THE FIGHT STARTED

Please don't get discouraged, we all have different ways of arguing with our teenagers, and there is no easy way or answer to give anyone in my eyes. Teenagers are individual people. Therefore, you can't discuss with each one in the same way. If both of you are angry and snapping at each other, then you will get nowhere. You need to get on the same page and calm that situation the fuck down (including yourself). Each case derives its outcome, but you can do it.

I'm saying that you need to believe in yourself as a parent. If you are struggling, then get help. If your teenager is struggling, then they need help. You are the bottom line. You are the constant person in their lives that they will either see as friends or foes. So far, my teenagers are still in my house and know the difference between me being the parent and, on occasion, a friend. Parenting is not natural, and sometimes it is. Sometimes I laugh with them, and other times I want to pull our hair out and cry in the corner. We need support for each other, going through some very similar situations, and some of us have never experienced any of it at all.

KEEP YOUR COOL

Just keep your head up and remember that we have precious humans in the form of teenagers in our presence. They have infinite potential at their fingertips. We are here to help and guide them, to watch them develop into who and what they want to be. We need to keep an eye on them and try to steer them in a positive direction. Independent teenagers wish to have no help, and they are content to know enough to help themselves. Just remember that you will always be there and keep loving them no matter what. You are a good parent, and we are all trying to keep up with our ever-evolving teenagers.

Cheers, Odette xxx

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