BLOG #6 BOYS AND TEENAGE GIRLS!

BOYS AND TEENAGE GIRLS!

As friends, boys are amazing. Sometimes you get that suspicious feeling that they would want more from the girls, but my girls have a firm' friend zone' that they stick to (or at least so far). Poor fuckers, I can see the boys walking right into it from a mile away. Plus, all teenagers have a fucking comeback for everything. If I ever mentioned that a boy may be interested in one of my girls, or anything like that, or that they may be a decent person, I would be told to “shut up mum” and that, “you have no idea what you’re talking about”, so who am I kidding? - What would a mum know?…

I absolutely love these teenage boys. They walk into my house like it's their home, and I accept this because I always like my house to feel safe and to have that 'at home comfort' feel. Most boys go straight to the fridge or pantry and rummage around, generally finishing off some of our leftovers. If they score something tasty, they are happy (probably Oreo's).

FRIEND ZONE

It's common knowledge in our house that all who walk through the door as the girls' "friends" acknowledge me; they enjoy it (and so do I). They generally seek me out, whether on the lounge, outside or chilling in my bedroom. They come to me and chat, catching up on all the recent drama and shit that is happening in their worlds. It's fantastic. The knowledge that someone is listening, someone who cares, understands and gives a little bit of brutal (and honest) advice goes a long way. They can sit with me for up to an hour before they even go looking for the girls.

Then they're off to find the girls to talk some shit and laugh at some crap that I don't understand. Plenty of gossip and mischief is to be had (especially if they are trying to do something that they shouldn't be). Nevertheless, they laugh a lot at each other, give each other shit and talk to each other like their lives depend on it. There are very few of these boys, they are like rare gems. When they are around our house, it feels that they give us a feeling that our home is complete and like a massive integrated family.

Don't get me wrong, if any of the kids are doing something they shouldn't be; they are going to get their arses' kicked like the rest. You walk into my house, and it becomes “my house, my rules”. You are to have respect, kindness, manners and treat others how you want to be treated. Mostly, don't be a dickhead.

INDEPENDENT

I figure that it's essential for the girls to have positive and strong relationships with the opposite sex. It teaches them how to interact and present themselves so that whenever a situation arises in life, they are comfortable enough to deal with it on their own. With any gender, it's vital to have your beliefs and morals in check and have the courage and skills to deal with any situation. We will not always be around to parent and protect them.

In the big wide world, they need the guts and ambition to know what is right and wrong. The determination and focus to tell someone to 'fuck off' if they are being bullied or undermined in any way. The knowledge and functionality that presents itself to them will build their communication and problem-solving skills, with my fingers crossed, develop them into positive and capable humans that can stand on their own two feet and are independent.

They do not 'need' someone else. The girls know that they are strong enough on their own. If they ‘want’ to have a partner, that is their choice. Knowing that they can be whoever they want to be without society's stigma is a quality that I strive to teach them to develop strong and independent women who know their self-worth. All of my girls have had varying stages of experiences with the opposite sex. There have been times when they have come out with some outrageous and funny situations, only then to watch and feel helpless because at other times there is heartbreak. We teach them to stand back up, brush that shit off your face, deal with all the emotions you are feeling in a way that makes you feel complete again, and process the next adventure of your life, you.

BE YOURSELF

Miss R is very open and honest with us from day one and has asked all the questions under the fucking sun, some of which have made me wonder, 'how the fuck do I even have an answer for that?' Simple, it's about being truthful and honest.

There is no need for fairy tale bullshit, if the girls want the facts and knowledge that will equip them to know that they come first and that all of the sex 'stuff' is real. I'm the muther fucker who will tell them as much as I can because I want to be honest with them (also age-abiding), but I'm not sugar-coating this shit! I'll be damned if they are going to find out the 'cute' way of how all that shit goes down!! There are no stupid questions - ever!

Miss R has been a positive influence on the LGBTQ+ community for some time now. It hasn't been the easiest of roads for her to travel. People do not understand her choice, and they definitely do not understand her sexuality or pronoun. Miss R is Pansexual. I suggest that if you aren't sure what that is, you could do some light research and find out what it is. It is not my job to justify or teach you what she recognises as her pronoun. To me, she is and will always be the same person that I love unconditionally. Miss R has had personal experiences with her sexuality, and while we talk about them openly at home, it is her own decision to disclose her information. I will always be there to guide her, walk beside her and be there for whenever she may need us to be. We have a very open relationship, where she can come to me and talk about anything and everything. No holds barred, we've had conversations from periods and the in-depth version of what goes on and how it all works, to puberty, erections, orgasms and whatever else she has asked or wanted to know.

As I said earlier, 'fuck it' if the girls want to know something, I would rather them understand the truth and be well informed. Rather than have a daughter who is not informed and makes questionable decisions because she didn't know any different. We have a job for these teenagers to teach them, sure they learn at school, but we are first and foremost their number one guide and role model into adulthood.

KNOW YOUR WORTH

Miss C is a little more complicated. She doesn't see herself in any way that the rest of us do. Miss C is stunning. She has the funniest and most loyal personality but does not see this in herself.

She has always been one of the boys growing up. Miss C found that girls were too bitchy and whingy to get along with. In turn, this has put her into the boys' friend zone'. She never takes any of their shit, though. They can be intimidated by her. They know that if they are disrespectful or rude, she will kick their arse and ask no questions. Miss C has such a strong personality with the boys and sometimes they aren't quite sure how to approach her. The boys do notice her, and they haven't entirely realised how to acknowledge her as more than just one of them. On the flip side, she also becomes quite shy because she doesn't see the self-worth she should allow herself to embrace.

As we moved and came closer to the city, she has expanded her circle of friends to include both boys and girls. I think the girls have given her the confidence boost to realise that she is attractive and intelligent with a good dash of beauty thrown in there for good measure. Her knowledge of self-worth and self-love is slowly growing. It's gorgeous to see. In time she will find more of her self worth, body image and confidence to blossom into a teenager with raging hormones more than she is now.

Her experiences with boys had had a positive change within her when we moved, as she has been able to talk to them on a different level. I’ve discussed in detail with her, all of her experiences with boys. Mostly we have a giggle, and Miss C I are more than comfortable talking to each other about all manners of topics regarding boys and sex. I swear that their brains go into overdrive as soon as the topic of sex or boys ventures into our daily dinner time conversations.

I'M NOT READY FOR THIS SHIT

Miss S, where do I start?

Now, this kid. I've got my hands full. I'm not fucking joking. She requires all of my attention all the time and will not take “NO” for an answer. She's the ultimate 'INSTA' girl. Blonde hair, blue eyes, fit and loves a good selfie. Miss S has a strong following on social media, but that's a story for another day.

Miss S has had boyfriends for a few years now, the longest lasting almost a year. I'll take my hat off to them, though, and they did the long-distance relationship, which had its challenges. I think they will always be friends, as he still comes over to visit. Even adults that have done the 'long-distance' relationship thing have found it fucking hard, so why wouldn't a 14/15-year old.

On another note, there are always plenty of boys sniffing around and messaging her on social media, and it's fucking relentless! It never stops. I swear that there is still some new guy on the scene, and she flicks the ones she doesn't have time for anymore away because they 'annoy' her. Half the time, I have no idea what Miss S is talking about concerning these boys. It's a known fact that she hasn't met some of them as they are boys that go to different schools with her friends. It's how they do things 'these days’. Your mates tell a guy about you, and then before you know it, your typing your little fingers away to message him (them) every chance you get. I'd be exhausted if it was me, plus I haven't got time for that shit. Anyway, she has boys looking at her left, right and centre.

Even when we go to the supermarket, she is oblivious to the boys looking at her because she's too busy looking at her phone. I tell Miss S that maybe she should look up from her phone once in a while to see the world and not just the screen in front of her face. She is the daughter that doesn't talk as openly about everything. Don't get me wrong, she does ask questions, and we talk, but Miss S is just not that type of person. She's not a massive talker in the first place. The funniest times are when she will freely come and blurt out some story (we call it “Miss S' 'storytime”) that will leave us all in fits of laughter because she can be so blind to shit that goes on and then tosses her hair and says 'oh well’.

Miss S has fantastic girlfriends. They are like daughters to us. You could call them the amigos because of all of the shit that they talk about. The mischief, the mayhem and crazy fucking situations that they get themselves into are lifelong stories that they will carry with each other for a very long time. They are brutally honest with each other, so much so, that when it comes to conversations about boys or sex, they have no worries about telling each other exactly what they think. Teenagers have sex. They are a horny little species roaming around together, and whether you like it or not, you need to know that you have your bases covered.

FOR REAL?

Contraception, STI's, being safe and having sex in this house all come with information that the girls all need to know that they have the confidence to ask for anything if that's what they need. Being a Granny is not on my fucking radar at this point in my life!

So, what about the boys or partners? There is no easy answer. They come, and they go. It's as simple as that. You pick up the pieces and put the broken hearts back together and love your teenagers that little bit more. Who knows, one of them might stick around one day!

For now, they are exploring and doing all of the usual shit that teenagers do. Having three teenage girls in the house makes for an exciting conversation.

Talk to your teenagers, get to know them. They are fantastic and exciting individuals. They are more like you than you realise. What they see in you is a reflection of what they see in their futures. It doesn't matter what type of parentage you have in your household; what matters is that you know them enough to talk about boys, sex and all of the crap that comes with it. You are their role model. What they see from you is what they will project into their parenting at a later point in life. What do you want your teenagers to see and do? You need to support and encourage their self-esteem in this ever-evolving world of teenage life.

Get amongst it Bitches.

Cheers Odette xxx